The Joys of Babysitting
by StayOuttaMyShed
Summary: Down on her luck and in need of money, Scarlett has no choice but to turn to her least favorite person in the world when he offers her a potential job. Belated Secret Santa fic for The Sarcasm Master.


There are many, many, _many_ things in this world that I despise. I'm not exaggerating, the list is quite lengthy. However, there is one thing in particular that I hate with every fiber of my being. One thing that absolutely fills me with rage. One thing that makes me want to commit unspeakable acts of violence due to the knowledge that I share a planet with such a thing. Or rather, such a person.

"Is there something wrong, _sidekick?_ "

Max. Oh, how I loath him. It's perplexing how such a short, bumbling, idiotic person can be so unbelievably irritating on his own. Just hearing his voice boils my blood. Hearing that humiliating and ridiculous nickname again, however? I'd strangle him for it right here and now if I could, but that wouldn't exactly help my current situation.

"No," I hiss, doing the best I can to restrain myself from harming the little buffoon. "I was simply in deep thought. And I think you should know better than to call me by that name, by now. You will address me as Scarlett, and _only_ as Scarlett."

"Hmph." He folds his arms and looks away. "Evil does as evil pleases! You of all people should know this by now."

I intensify my glare in an attempt to hammer my message into Max's thick skull. It appears to work, as he nervously clears his throat and turns his attention forward.

"Then again, I suppose I may as well call you that for now. Wouldn't want the little ones calling you sidekick when only I can do that."

An audible groan escapes me and I ball my hands into fists. "Yes. The little ones."

Max and I are currently walking from his house to somewhere down the street. For some idiotic reason, people in this neighborhood apparently employ him as a babysitter. Even more dumbfounding, they supposedly consider him to be a GOOD babysitter. Personally, I wouldn't trust Max to not bring harm to himself, so the concept of people allowing him to care for their children is nothing short of ridiculous. Regardless, a couple wishes for him to watch their children while they go out to dinner, so I am accompanying him.

"Now now, Scarlett, watch your tone. You should feel honored that I offered you this job in the first place." I see a smirk form and he chuckles to himself. "And I suppose you don't have many more options outside of this, now do you?"

Oh ho ho, how I hate him so much. He's enjoying this. It's becoming increasingly difficult to resist the urge to harm the little cretin. But I need to stay calm. The money is important. I can plan ways to kill Max later.

"Yes," I admit. "It is rather difficult to find an employer that will have me, considering my situation. Thankfully, one's memories of reality shows aren't typically the types of memories that one would hold on to for long. This is just a temporary solution until this whole ordeal passes from the public's memory."

Max taps his chin in thought and then shrugs. "I don't know, I think threatening the lives of five other teens over prize money is the kind of thing you won't exactly be able to shake off of your record." He shakes his head disapprovingly. "Not that I'd be surprised. Everyone knows murder is a cheap and petty way to go about evil. Arguably the lowest form of evil! You need to have more class than that, Scarlett. You'll be lucky to land a job flipping burgers."

And that is where I reach my limit. I grab Max by the collar and bring him up to my face, giving him a glare that I'm almost positive nearly makes him soil himself. I feel my eyes turn red and he pulls his hands up defensively.

"Kidding! I'm just kidding, Scarlett. T-t-there's no way a woman with your intellect won't be able to get a well paying job in the future!"

Typical. All the smugness and cockiness drains from his tiny little body the moment he feels threatened. How pathetic. Still, it seems I've done a satisfactory job of terrifying the little gremlin, so I let him down and we continue our walk. It isn't long before we finally reach the house he was looking for. It's a rather nice place. Three stories tall, a swimming pool and playground in the backyard, rather expensive looking cars in the garage. Needless to say, these people appear to be very well off.

"Max," I hear a voice call from the front door. "You're right on time!"

The man in the doorway is giving Max a smile and seemed rather happy to see him. That's something you don't see every day. He's tall and skinny, has brown hair, brown eyes, and is wearing a blue dress shirt and black slacks. Behind him is who I can only assume is his wife. She is just as plain as her husband, long blonde hair, blue eyes, short and skinny. Also like him, she is appears ready for a formal occasion with her long red dress.

"Evil always makes sure he is punctual, Mr. McGillicuddy," Max replies in a confident tone that makes me roll my eyes. It's something he causes me to do quite often. Mrs. McGillicuddy begins to do some sort of obnoxious combination of snorting and chuckling.

"Oh, Max, you're always such a character," she says, also giving him a sickeningly sweet smile. "That's why the kids love you!"

Wait. The children actually ENJOY Max's company? That... that's impossible. Incomprehensible. Ludicrous! Max doing a satisfactory job at caring for the kids was hard enough to fathom, and the parents enjoying Max's services even more difficult to comprehend, but the children actually LIKE to be in his care? You have got to be kid-

"Who's your friend, Max?"

I freeze and notice that the couple are now looking directly at me. They don't scream and run away in terror, so that's a good sign considering how most people react to seeing me in public these days. I give them my best fake smile and offer my hand to the husband.

"My name is Scarlett." I shake his hand and then the wife's. "I'll be assisting Max with his babysitting today. I'm in a bit of a rough spot and am in need money. He contacted me and offered to let me join with the promise of half of the payment."

He actually offered me a fourth of the payment, but after some of my _convincing_ he agreed to make it half.

"That's Max, alright," Mr. McGillicuddy says while patting him on the back hard enough to nearly make him trip. "Nicest babysitter we've ever had. He's a real pro, so you're in good hands."

Jesus, I don't think I can get used to hearing people actually saying good things about Max. Are they seriously talking about the same irritating little insect that I met on Total Drama? Nonetheless, I continue to smile and nod.

"So I guess that means $500 for you and $500 for you friend for your services?" the wife asks. Max nods and I can't help but raise an eyebrow. They pay him $1000 every time to watch their children? Perhaps I underestimated the potential in this babysitting opportunity. I suppose this night won't be a waste after all.

"Yes, and once I've shown her how it's done, she'll be able to babysit without my help," Max says as the couple begins to make their way by us and towards the garage. "I've been receiving a lot of offers lately and while I certainly am the best at what I do, there's only so much that one babysitter can handle."

Ah, so that's why he contacted me in the first place. Not because he was actually concerned for my situation, but because he couldn't fill all of the babysitting requests that he was receiving. However, I suppose I can't complain. It's not like I wouldn't take advantage of Max if I were in his predicament. And if his other employers pay as well as the McGillicuddys here, money won't be an issue while I wait for my reputation to improve.

"We'll be back in a few hours," the husband says as he raises the garage door. "Logan is taking a nap right now but he'll probably wake up soon. The others should be waiting for you in the living room."

"Oh, and make sure the boys do their homework," his wife adds. "We'll see the two of you soon!"

As the couple enters their car and prepares to leave, I give Max a curious expression. "Just how many children do they have?"

"Only four," Max replies while giving the couple a short wave as they pull out from the driveway. "Logan is six months old, the boys are seven and eight years old, and their daughter is fourteen."

Interesting. An infant, a teenage, and two young children. I can only imagine how much of a headache tonight will be.

"Come now, Scarlett, we can't keep the little ones waiting." Max turns to the entrance and makes his way inside. I feel myself pause. While I'm certainly well studied on the behaviors of adolescents and feel that I'm more than capable of watching over them for a few mere hours, I have my concerns. Namely, the fact that I'll be spending hours together with the most goddamn insufferable human being on this planet. It's tempting to just leave now and leave Max helpless with the kids in his care alone, but as much as it pains me to admit, I need this payment. If all goes well, maybe I truly can replace Max as babysitter in this area and can spend some of the extra money to construct a torture device to put him in.

While following Max, I note the rather boring interior of the house. It's more or less what you would expect. Disgustingly happy family pictures lining the walls, unnecessarily expensive furniture, tiled floors, and what I believe was a jacuzzi in the bathroom we pass. Nothing unpleasant but also nothing that catches my interest. We eventually reach the room Max was looking for and my ears are immediately met with an unholy screech of joy.

"Maaaaaaax," yells one boy wearing a red shirt and brown shorts.

"We've been waiting FOREVER for you," adds another boy, slightly taller than the other and wearing a green shirt with blue jeans. Besides the difference in height and attire, they're more or less identical. The spitting image of their father, as well. Max smirks and stretches out his arms.

"Come to me, my minions!"

On cue, the brothers scream and run straight at Max before they jump and... hug him? What? I know the parents said the kids liked them, but I can't comprehend what I'm seeing. These two little brats are thrilled to see Max. WHO IS EVER THRILLED TO SEE MAX? I mean, I know that he's basically just a tiny man-child with the brain of a ten year old to begin with, but... it's truly something I had to see to believe.

After patting the two boys on the head, Max turns his attention to the other side of the room. "Good evening, Amanda."

"Hey, Max," comes a new voice from the direction Max is looking at. Sitting on one of the three leather couches that were seated in front of a large television was a teenage girl. Being a teenage girl, she was too engrossed in looking at her cellphone to actually look at us, but her tone was at least friendly when she replied to my ignoramus of a partner.

"Whoooooa," the younger boy says before letting go of Max's leg and looking up at me. "Your girlfriend is pretty!"

The urge to vomit is intense. Once my eye stops twitching, the other boy also turns his attention to me.

"Who is she, Max?"

"Ah, yes, how rude of me." Max places a hand on the shoulder of each boy. "I forgot the introductions. This is Bryce." He motions his head down at the short boy in red that's still looking up at me in awe. "And Conner." He motions his head at the tall one in green that appears to be less in awe and simply more curious. "Boys, this is my _assistant,_ Scarlett."

Before I say something, a sudden loud noise from behind me cuts me off. I look back to see that the daughter had dropped her phone and was now looking straight at me in a mix of horror, shock, and fear. Fantastic. This is just _exactly_ what I needed.

"W-w-what is s-s-she doing here?" she squeaks out, now shivering in fear. Both of her brothers seem to be very amused by seeing their sister in such a state.

"Amanda, are you cold or something?" Conner asks.

"That girl is dangerous," she yells while pointing a finger at me, jumping up from her seat and placing her back against the wall. "She's going to kill us all!"

Conner just chuckles, though Bryce seems to actually grow nervous from his sister's words and cowers behind Max. Max raises an amused eyebrow at me and with a small smirk gives me a shrug. Not going to assist me in calming down the petrified teenager? I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything else from someone like him. Asshole.

"I suppose you watched Pahkitew Island?" I hesitantly ask while stepping towards her. Apparently four steps is too close because once I make it that far she grabs a vase from the table next to her and points it at me threateningly.

"No crap, I did! Especially after we found out Max was gonna be on."

Conner pouts and folds his arms. "Mom and dad wouldn't let us watch that because we weren't old enough."

Amanda continues to hold the vase at me before realization seems to dawn on her and she puts down the vase. "What am I doing? I should just call mom and dad and tell them that there's a psychopath in the house."

Before she can turn for her phone, I'm already there and pocket it to keep it out of her grasp. The last thing I need right now is getting kicked out before Max and I are even paid.

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," I try to tell her in a calm tone, though she's still shaking like a leaf so it clearly isn't working. As much as it absolutely pains me to do, I give Max a pleading look. He grins and, being the infuriating pest that he is, takes Bryce and Conner by the shoulders and leads them towards the exit to the room.

"Come now, minions, how about we go outside and play on the playground while my assistant talks things out with your sister?"

Oh, he's going to regret that. Not now, obviously, there's three witnesses here, but he'll definitely regret that eventually. For now, though, it seems that I am unfortunately on my own. With Max and the brothers gone, it's just me and the sister. Whenever she isn't starring at me, she's looking around the room in a panic. Most likely searching for an effective weapon. Not that she'd be able to use it, she's clearly in no state to defend herself effectively.

"Are you gonna kill us?" she finally asks weakly, tears starting to form in her eyes. Christ, one would think I was holding a gun to her head or something.

"No," I reply calmly. "I'm simply here to help Max babysit. All I require is money and he offered me this opportunity. My options weren't exactly varied, as most employers won't hire someone known for holding people hostage."

"B-but you hate Max," she shot back. "I watched the show and you looked like you hated every minute you spent with him."

Well that's the understatement of the goddamn year. Every minute I spent with Max on Total Drama was a living hell. An annoying test on my patience that nearly sent me spiraling into insanity. I legitimately came close to strangling him at least five times a day. But telling that to this girl won't get me anywhere.

"Indeed," I finally say. "So you should know that I wouldn't dare accept an offer to spend time around that imbecile unless it was in my best interest. In this case, because of the financial problem I find myself in. I assure you, I couldn't care less about harming you or your family. I simply need the money."

She appears to relax a bit, but it's clear that she still isn't convinced. "Then can I have my phone back?"

"That depends," I reply. "Will you promise to not contact your parents?"

She purses her lips and narrows her eyes at me. Curious, but it isn't nervous fear anymore, so at least that's a step up.

"I _guess_ I don't have to." Suddenly her expression turns determined and a hint of a smirk forms. "But it'll cost you."

"... Cost me?" I ask. What the hell does she mean by that?

"Yeah, cost you," Amanda replies. "One hundred bucks."

Wait. What?

"Wait. What?" I repeat in a puzzled tone.

"One hundred bucks," she repeats, arms folded and with a shrug. "If you give me that, then I won't squeal."

Being blackmailed by a mere teenager. Where does Max find these kids?

"You do realize that your parents will only be paying Max and I $500 each and that will be a fifth of my pay, correct?"

"That's a real shame," she replies sarcastically. "But if I'm gonna trust the crazy chick that nearly blew up a bunch of people on Total Drama to not try the same with us, I'm gonna need some convincing. Take it or leave it."

Well she certainly went from terrified to this rather quickly. "What good will it do you, anyway? Your parents are wealthy, surely anything you want could easily be bought by them."

"It's a long story," she says in an annoyed tone. "It doesn't matter to you. Do we have a deal or not?"

I suppose I don't really have a choice, now do I? Losing a fifth of my pay is unfortunate, but $400 is still better than nothing. With an annoyed glare, I toss her the phone and nod. "Fine. We have a deal."

"Good," she replies cheerfully. "Now you should probably do something about him."

"About wh-"

Suddenly, a loud infant's cry comes from somewhere down the hall. The baby is awake. Fantastic. No, seriously, that's just great. Exactly what I wanted to happen.

I rub my temples and quickly find my way to the backdoor to fetch Max. Unsurprisingly, I find him swinging from the playground and yelling in glee like an juvenile, while one brother swings from the monkey bars and the other emerges from the slide. If Max was just a tad shorter, it would be easy to mistake him as just another child with a bizarre taste in hair color.

"The baby is awake," I say, though no one responds. In fact, my entire presence seems to go unnoticed. The three of them just continue playing and yelling, enjoying themselves in their whimsical own little world. It makes one wonder if Max only accepts these jobs so that he can interact with people on the same intellect level as him.

"MAX," I yell when I finally reach the swings, causing the little halfwit to jump from his seat in shock. "The baby is awake."

"You finished things up with Amanda quicker than I anticipate," he grumbles as he picks himself up from the ground. "Please tell me you didn't do anything to harm her to make her comply with your demands."

On the contrary, the little wretch was the one to do the demanding. Thankfully, Max will never have to know this. I shudder at the thought of what infuriating comments he would think up from the information. "No, we simply had a conversation and I convinced her that I pose no threat to her. That is irrelevant, however. The infant needs care."

Max nods and begins making his way to the house while speaking in a hilarious yet disgusting baby voice. "Very true. We can't have widdle baby Wogan getting cranky, now can we? I trust that you can keep the boys entertained while I take care of him, correct?"

"Umm..." I look back and see the two children now looking up at me, the younger with a raised eyebrow and the older with a grin. "Do I just need to supervise them while they play?"

I'll admit that while I've studied their behaviors, child care itself is one of the few rare topics that I'm not well read in. I have no intention of producing an offspring any time soon, so I wrote the topic off as something to read up on later when it would be more relevant to me, and instead decided to focus on more academic subjects.

"Absolutely not," Max replies from the back door. "If you want to become an effective babysitter, you need to interact with them! Play with them until it's time for them to come in. You'll be fine, those boys are harmless."

With that, he retreats into the house, leaving me with two children that won't stop starring at me. Seriously, whenever I move just a bit, their eyes follow. A bit odd to say the least.

"Is there something wrong?" I ask.

The two brothers exchange a glance and the younger stares at the ground nervously.

"You aren't REALLY gonna kill us all, are you?" he asks.

"No," I quickly reply. "Your sister was merely playing a prank on you. I'm here to assist Max with the babysitting and nothing more."

"Ha! See? I told ya." The older brother puts his arm around his sibling and smiles. "Max would never bring someone here that would hurt us."

The younger brother chuckles. "Yeah, I guess it was kinda silly to think he would." He then turns his attention back to me. "So you're gonna play with us now?"

I sure as hell don't want to, but it should be simple enough, right? "Yes, I will 'play' with the two of you."

"Awesome," the older brother exclaims with a mischievous grin. "Because I got the perfect game!"

* * *

These insufferable kids are little devils. That much I'm certain of after a mere hour of 'playing' with them. First was their game of hide and seek where they tackled me upon finding my spot, rather than just simply tagging me out. But perhaps that was a good thing, because then came their game of tag where they threw balls of mud at me to get me out. I don't know why. They're energetic little kids that are likely much faster than I am. Whatever compels them to do that instead of just using their hands is a mystery. Next, they forced me to join them at their playground, which was riddled with bugs. Between the filth that crawled on to my clothes, the roughhousing I endured beforehand, and the boys continuing to pounce on me from different areas of their playground, it would be a gross understatement to simply say that I am exhausted.

"Are we... quite done here?" I ask pleadingly from the swing in an attempt to catch my breath while tweedle dee and tweedle dum swing across the monkey bars. "Didn't your parents say that you needed to complete your homework?"

"But homework is sooooo booooooring," the smaller one whines. "Can't we keep playing? It'll still be like another hour or two before mom and dad get back."

"Can we at the very least do something inside?" I ask. I'm not about to torture myself with another hour out here with these hellions.

The older brother's eyes light up and he jumps down from the bars. "Let's go play video games!"

This is apparently a very appealing offer to his brother as he also jumps down and races his brother to the door. Thank goodness. I might have given the brats something to actually be afraid of if they wouldn't have gone inside. Clearly I wouldn't be paid, but it would have been worth it. No longer having to stay outside, I quickly make my way back into the house.

"But Maaaaax," I hear the voice of the older brother say inside. "We really want to play our game."

"No butts, my little minion," I hear Max reply. "Evil can not hope to succeed if he doesn't expand his knowledge! Finish your homework, and THEN you can play your video games."

When I come through the door, I see the two brothers looking down at the ground in disappointment while Max gives them a stern look. He also holds the baby in his arms and it shockingly appears to be quite content being there.

"If you say so," the younger brother reluctantly replies. "Come on, Conner, let's go get this thing done."

Max smirks as the two brothers begins to leave. "Now that's my minions. I think I'll put in a good word with your parents and let them know that you deserve a NEW video game for taking charge on your homework."

The boys immediately perk up once again and grin from ear to ear. The smaller one in particular runs back to hug his leg. "You're the best, Max!"

"Yes, minion, I knew that already," he replies before patting the child on the head and scooting him away. "Now go get cleaned up and get to work!"

"Yes sir," the older brother yells back before the two of them run through the house. I can tell that my jaw has dropped as Max has turned his attention to me and has a smug smile forming.

"Is something wrong, Scarlett?" he asks in a irritatingly mocking tone.

"I can't believe that those two actually listen to you. It's almost as if they respect you."

Max chuckles while rocking the baby in his arms. "They DO respect me, assistant. Evil commands respect wherever he goes!"

Now that is certainly a load of bullshit. Max was a laughingstock to everyone that I had ever seen interact with him on the island. Even that revolting Sugar found him nothing more than amusing when he was put on her team back then. But those kids? They legitimately seemed like they would listen to what he had to say, even before he offered a reward. What kind of backwards world have I entered?

"You have a lot to learn if you want to make it as a babysitter, assistant. A lot to learn, indeed."

I feel a scowl form as I look back at the fool. "Why are you so nice to these children, anyway? Isn't that uncharacteristic for someone as 'evil' as you claim to be?"

"Evil has his reasons, my assistant," he simply replied with a shrug. Suddenly, he sniffs and a distraught expression forms. "For now we have bigger problems. Specifically, the fact that Logan has just gone potty."

Just as Max finishes his sentence I immediately smell what he is referring to. I feel my stomach turn and I grasp my nostrils in an attempt to block out the foul odor.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" I ask. "Change his diaper."

Max nods and takes a step to leave before stopping in his tracks. He looks back at me an forms a devious grin. Dear God, he better not imply what I think he's about to.

"Actually, _assistant,_ I think it's important that you get used to things like this if you're going to become a successful babysitter like myself. Therefore, YOU should change the diaper."

And there it is. I predicted him saying it and yet it still infuriates me. The smug expression of his. He's enjoying every last minute of this. But as much as I hate to admit it, he has a point. Things like changing a diaper are essential for a babysitter and I'd rather be stuck doing that then spending all of my babysitting sessions still paired with this idiot.

"Fine," I grumble, allowing Max to hand me the baby who seems to not be happy about leaving Max's arms. It looks up at me and begins whining and grunting. "Where do I do this, his bedroom?"

Max nods and motions for me to follow him. "I'll show you to it."

The more we walk, the more frustrated the baby appears to grow. It REALLY hates being in my arms and it stretches an arm out at Max from time to time. I truly fear for the youth of today when a baby actually prefers to go to someone like Max over someone sane such as myself.

The infant's room is exactly what I excepted it to be like. A crib, various toys spread around the floor for him to play with, and a large dresser to hold his clothes. On top of the dresser is a blanket, along with talcum powder, ointment, lotion, and medicine.

"Have you ever changed a diaper before, Scarlett?" Max asks in a tone that's half mocking and half curious.

"No," I reply truthfully while lying the child down on the cover. "But I have a grasp on how to go about it. This isn't exactly astrophysics that we're dealing with here."

"Excellent, then I'll leave you to it." Max quickly exits the room, taking a stop once he's out of eyesight. "I'll be right out here if you need my assistance, which you likely will."

Curse him and his petty taunts. I don't know if he truly grasps just how frustrating it is to hear him claim that I'll need his help. I'll show that ignoramus. This will be child's play. I take a deep breath, look down at the baby, and slowly begin to remove the diaper.

* * *

"Scarlett? Are you alright?"

There are some horrors that man is not prepared to experience. I feel myself curled up into a ball and shivering in the corner of the bathroom while the daughter stands over me with a raised eyebrow. I try to speak, but no words come out. I must scream, but my mouth won't let me. The things I've seen, the experiences I've went through. Truly I will never be the same.

"What's her deal?" she asks as Max enters the room and looks down at me in amusement. "She's been like this for like 30 minutes."

"Scarlett attempted to change Logan's diaper," he replies. "The results were... unexpected for her, to say the least."

"I-It was everywhere," I finally manage to get out. "The ceiling, the floor, the walls-"

"On you," Max adds with a sinister grin. I would kick him in the gonads for that, but instead I have flashbacks and am forced to return to my shivering.

"Come now, assistant," Max says while kneeling down. "You're all cleaned up now and I've taken care of Logan and put him to sleep. There's no need to still be acting like a coward."

He's one to talk. There has never been a bigger wimp than him in television history. It likely wouldn't take much to scare him with his own shadow.

"Hey, so uh, Mom and Dad called and said they're on their way back," the daughter says while looking down worriedly at me. "She might want to pull herself together or something before then. They'd probably be freaked out to see her like this."

"I'm f-fine," I struggle to say while finally standing up and composing myself. "It will be difficult to get those images out of my mind for quite some time, but other than the mental scaring, I am fine. Knowing that this is all almost over is enough for me."

"Excellent," Max replies with a smile before motioning to the door. "Then I suppose you won't mind helping the boys with their homework while we wait for their parents to return."

Excuse me? Even after the horrors that I've just witnesses, he expects me to continue these fatuous babysitting duties? When the parents are already on their way back, no less? It is as if he WANTS me to berate him.

"Can't you assist them?" I try to ask as levelheaded as I can manage. "I fear that I'm not currently in the best state to tutor them myself."

"They're children," Max replies with a chuckle. "You should be able to help with their kind of homework in your sleep. Unless you aren't as truly intelligent as you claim to be."

Yes, Max. Keep talking. You'll regret it soon enough when it's just you and I alone. Still, tutoring is certainly something I'm much more suited for than diaper changing, so this should be rather straightforward.

"Very well," I say, following Max to their bedroom. "I suppose it will be a simple way to pass the time while I wait for their parents to return."

The boys were, as Max had asked, sitting on the floor with their homework spread out in front of them. The fact that any person, child or not, actually listens to what he says is still a shock to me.

"Minions, Scarlett is going to help you with your homework before we leave," he explains to the little twerps. "Do try to have it finished by the time your parents return."

The children mumble some sort of acknowledgement and before I know it I'm once again left alone with the two of them.

"Now then," I say, taking a seat between the two of them and looking over their papers. "How is the homework coming along?"

"Good," the younger brother says while scratching his head. "We got the adding and subtracting stuff done. We're just having trouble with the... what's it called again? With the x?"

"Multiplying?" the other brother answers. I nod. "Yeah, that one is kinda tricky."

"Multiplication becomes effortless once you get the hang of it," I reply before peering down at one of their papers. I see the problem "2 x 3" near the bottom. "Take this problem, for instance. Two multiplied by three. Do either of you have an idea as to how it should be solved?"

"You, uh... multiply the two by three?" the younger one answers.

As some would say, no shit, Sherlock. Then again, these are children. Can't expect them to grasp the concept of multiplication immediately.

"Yes, but how would you go about that?" I ask.

The older brother scratches his head. "I don't know, add three to two?"

"No, that would just be addition," I reply. "Think of it this way, when you multiply a number by something other than one, you are essentially adding that first number to itself however many times the second number is. In this case, adding two to itself three times."

The two boys just stare at me blankly.

"Can you repeat that in a way that makes sense?" the younger brother asks in a perplexed tone while his sibling nods in agreement. "I didn't get any of that."

"I don't know how it could be explained any simpler," I reply, the frustration in my tone most likely noticeable. "You add two to itself three times. It's as easy as that."

"... you add two to what now?" the older one asks.

"To two."

"Yeah, what about two?" the younger one asks.

"You add two to two," I try to explain, my exasperation growing.

"So the answer is two plus two?" his brother asks in an even more puzzle tone. "But that doesn't make any sense."

"No, you have to add to it three times."

"But you said the answer wasn't two plus three," the young one says. Normally I would be able to keep myself placid in a situation such as this due to this being mere children, but after the combined frustration of the day's events, something in me is about to snap.

"You add two to two three times," I slowly hiss in what I hope is simple enough terms for them. Unfortunately, that doesn't appear to be the case.

"Hold on, I'm confused," the older brother says. "What-"

"You just add two three fucking times," I yell, swiping the paper and a pencil from him and slamming it on the floor. "Watch!" I quickly draw three twos with an addition sign between each. I then draw the equals sign and finish with a six. "Two multiplied by three is the same as when you have three twos! Two plus two plus two equals six, so two times three equals six! Do you two finally understand?"

I look up from the paper not to see looks of understanding, but looks of shock.

"You said a dirty word," the young brother says with a finger pointed at me and mouth agape.

"We're telling Max," the older one adds. The two of them jump up and try to run out the door, but I'm at the doorway before they can go anywhere. I can't allow them to get me in trouble just as the night is finally about to end.

"It was a slip up," I quietly hiss. "Surely he doesn't have to know about this."

"But he does," the younger one says. "Our parents says no bad words in the house are allowed."

And yet those video games they wanted to play are probably riddled with them. Hypocritical parents.

"Please, I'll tell Max that you finished your homework. Just refrain from getting me in trouble. I really need this job."

The brothers exchange a look with each other. Weighing their options, I suppose? I fail to see what benefit they would receive from letting my curse slip be known.

"I guess we don't have to tell him," the younger brother finally says.

"Buuuuut, it'll have to cost ya," the older one adds with a grin.

Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me. Surely not them too?

"Let me guess," I mumble. "One hundred dollars?"

"Each," the older brother replies, making my eyes bulge.

"EACH?" I yell. "I'll repeat what I told your sister. Your parents are RICH. What in God's name do you need that money for?"

"Well, our parents don't like us getting candy," the younger one replies.

"Or energy drinks," the older one adds. "Plus a bunch of other stuff they won't normally buy us. This way, we can buy that stuff whenever we want when they're not looking."

Well, they at least provided me a reason. I still fail to see why their sister felt the need to blackmail. Then again, at least she is somewhat close to my age. Now I'm being blackmailed by children that are less than half my age. I was prepared for things becoming rough for me after the events of Total Drama, but this is ludicrous.

"The parents have returned," I hear Max call from down the hallway. "Come now, assistant, we're about to leave."

Curses. No time to try and work something else out with the kids. I suppose that means I have to accept the demands... again.

"Fine," I hiss as the two brothers follow me down the hallway. Along the way their sister joins them and soon enough we reach the front door where Max is already waiting. By the time we get there, the parents have already parked and began their way up to us.

"Have you had a fun day, assistant?" Max mockingly asks, as if to see if he can push me over the line just as the day is finally about to come to an end. Thankfully, I'm much too exhausted to even acknowledge his petty comment.

"We're back," the dad says as the two of them come through the door. Thanks for informing us of that, it's not like we were all waiting for you because we knew that you had returned. "How were the kids, Max?"

"Perfect little angels, as per usual," he replies, giving the children a sickeningly sweet smile. They each return the gesture with a smile of their own.

"Great," the mom says, reaching for her purse. "Glad to hear it. Thanks for helping Max out today, I'm sure he really appreciates it."

Oh, I know he doesn't. The little vermin knew exactly what he was doing when he had me join him today. Needless to say, I'll never be accepting any of his offers ever again. The wife hands me five hundred dollar bills, then turns to give Max his. With the parents distracted, the daughter takes the opportunity to nudge me. Reluctantly, I sneak three of the bills behind me for the little shits to take.

"Oh yeah, Scarlett was great," the daughter comments after pocketing her bill. "She should help Max out more often."

The boys nod in agreement and I keep my composure. I don't even care anymore, I just want to leave this accursed house.

"Well if that's the case, we'd be glad to have her," the dad says while patting Max and I on the back. "See you kids later. We'll be in touch."

I give them a quick nod and practically sprint out the door. The more distance I put between myself and this place the better. Max follows closely behind me and the temptation to turn around and punch him square in the face is immense.

"That was interesting," he carefully comments, likely knowing that saying anything over the line will be the last thing he says before something horrific happens to him. "How did you enjoy your first day of babysitting?"

There are many words I could use to describe my experience, but being as tired as I am I don't exactly feel like putting forth the effort. "It was dreadful," I simply reply. "Every single moment in these last few hours were either infuriating, painful, or horrific."

Max chuckles. "Yes, I suppose it doesn't come naturally to everyone like it does for me. Still, it could have gone much worse."

Somehow, I don't doubt him on that. Those children truly were something unbelievable. They shouldn't be capable of causing so much exhaustion in such a short amount of time, yet they succeeded. It all has me wondering something.

"What I fail to comprehend is why you actually enjoy such an occupation in the first place." I look down at him with a raised eyebrow. "As someone who prides himself on claiming to be the epitome of evil, I find it peculiar that you are so eager to associate yourself with children."

Max chuckles and shakes his head. "Isn't it obvious after what you've been through today?"

Is what obvious? That children are annoying little shits that need to be disciplined harder? That they're the only kind of humans with a low enough IQ to not hate every waking moment they're in Max's presence? I shake my head in response.

"I enjoy babysitting, because children are full of so much potential," he begins to explain. "They're adorable little blank slates that can be molded into the super villains of tomorrow. The untapped evil that a carefree child can produce is limitless!"

"Oh please," I respond. "That-" Wait a minute. That actually makes sense. Blackmail, defecation, roughhousing, refusal to learn. Those children truly were evil. More so than Max could ever dream of achieving. Curses, am I actually in agreement with him on something? This day truly couldn't get any worse.

"So, can I expect to have your company during my next babysitting job?" he asks with a smirk. "The other parents in this area pay just as well as they did and you still need more experience before you can become a babysitter on your own."

"Become a babysitter on my own?" I laugh. "No, that isn't going to happen. After today's events, I refuse to ever put myself into the immediate vicinity of a child any time soon. I would much rather 'flip burgers' than go through what I did today all over again."

Without skipping a beat, Max simply nods and continues walking. "Unsurprising. I doubted that you would be able to handle such a job as well as I do. I suppose some people are just plain better than others at certain things, hm?"

It appears Max's cockiness has clouded his judgment and allowed him to forget just who he is taunting. Not that I am complaining. With a swift motion, I punch Max right in the gut, sending him to the ground. I also apply a kick just so that he receives the message properly. While he groans and shivers in pain, I reach into his disgusting pocket and pull out three hundred dollars. He should be glad I didn't take all of it. With that, I leave him to grovel in pain and take my leave. All in all, this was a terrible day. The only things I accomplished was developing a newfound hatred for children and an even more intense hatred for Max due to him putting me in this situation to begin with. Oh, and five hundred dollars, but that doesn't even come close to compensating me properly. I'm going home and going to sleep.


End file.
